Best friends are just difficult in general.

So theres this girl. She was my best friend for four years. I guess we've been friends for five, although we haven't been so close the last 5 months or so. See, she started dating this guy who I'm sure is very nice to people who aren't a so called "threat" to him, but apparently, because at one point she was very more than just my best friend, he feels that I am not to be trusted. Yes, there was a time when I loved her, and I still love her very much, but in a very different way. Anyway, the point is, he told her he didn't trust me, he didn't want her around me, and she disappeared. She disappeared just before I left for college, in the middle of August.

Last week she texted me, told me she was on a break with this guy, and wanted to make amends. Wanting my best friend back, I agreed. Today, I saw her for the first time since we stopped talking in August. Her, the third to our trio and I spent the day at our high school, and at the homecoming pep rally. We went to the movies and saw Mr. Magoriums Wonder Emporium, and then just she came back here and we watched Chuck and Larry. During the day, we had a talk where she gave me a very heartfelt apology, I told her why I felt threatened by her boyfriend and why I didn't like her around him, and we just, I guess reconnected. Then she told me she is back together with the boy, but she promises not to disappear again. Tonight though, half way through Chuck and Larry her phone rang, and her oh-so-sweet boy blared into the phone "I'm around the corner if you're coming" She looked at me, and I really feel that in her eyes I could feel her being sorry, and said "I'm sorry, I need to go."

I'm supposed to spent the morning with her tomorrow at the Homecoming game. I'm scared it isn't going to be like it was today. I'm scared that it was just... a joke.. for her to get me to be vulnerable when I finally had gotten her out of my system so she can rip my heart out again. Maybe not the same part of my heart as last time, but my heart none-the-less. I'm scared to lose my best friend again. Help me.

Fucking Roommates

1. Acts like it's her room she's letting me live in
2. Gropes her skeezy ass boyfriend no matter who's in the room, including my parents and shit
3. Blasts shitty music constantly, and if I put my music on when she turns hers off she goes "um, would you mind using headphones? Your music really sucks"
4. Uses my shit (like my straightener and aloe cream) all the time, but if I ask to use her nail polish remover or something she hints that I should get my own
5. Waits until the last second for everything and then freaks out on me
6. Blow dries her hair at ungodly hours
7. Constantly puts me down because my school isnt as high rated as hers, even though I'm smarter than her and just chose not to go to her school even though I was accepted.

I almost lost this blog

So I usually have myself logged in, but I haven't stopped by since my last blog, so I guess it logged me out, and I couldn't remember what email I used or anything, so I had to like, google myself, then put my url in the blogspot forgot your password thing, then it sent me a bunch of emails and I had to check all my accounts to see which it went to, then once I found it on my school account, I had to reset the password... Now that I think about it, it probably wasn't worth it. hahaha.