Everytime I think it's finally over...

you appear and ruin all the hard work I did forgetting you..

Best friends are just difficult in general.

So theres this girl. She was my best friend for four years. I guess we've been friends for five, although we haven't been so close the last 5 months or so. See, she started dating this guy who I'm sure is very nice to people who aren't a so called "threat" to him, but apparently, because at one point she was very more than just my best friend, he feels that I am not to be trusted. Yes, there was a time when I loved her, and I still love her very much, but in a very different way. Anyway, the point is, he told her he didn't trust me, he didn't want her around me, and she disappeared. She disappeared just before I left for college, in the middle of August.

Last week she texted me, told me she was on a break with this guy, and wanted to make amends. Wanting my best friend back, I agreed. Today, I saw her for the first time since we stopped talking in August. Her, the third to our trio and I spent the day at our high school, and at the homecoming pep rally. We went to the movies and saw Mr. Magoriums Wonder Emporium, and then just she came back here and we watched Chuck and Larry. During the day, we had a talk where she gave me a very heartfelt apology, I told her why I felt threatened by her boyfriend and why I didn't like her around him, and we just, I guess reconnected. Then she told me she is back together with the boy, but she promises not to disappear again. Tonight though, half way through Chuck and Larry her phone rang, and her oh-so-sweet boy blared into the phone "I'm around the corner if you're coming" She looked at me, and I really feel that in her eyes I could feel her being sorry, and said "I'm sorry, I need to go."

I'm supposed to spent the morning with her tomorrow at the Homecoming game. I'm scared it isn't going to be like it was today. I'm scared that it was just... a joke.. for her to get me to be vulnerable when I finally had gotten her out of my system so she can rip my heart out again. Maybe not the same part of my heart as last time, but my heart none-the-less. I'm scared to lose my best friend again. Help me.

Fucking Roommates

1. Acts like it's her room she's letting me live in
2. Gropes her skeezy ass boyfriend no matter who's in the room, including my parents and shit
3. Blasts shitty music constantly, and if I put my music on when she turns hers off she goes "um, would you mind using headphones? Your music really sucks"
4. Uses my shit (like my straightener and aloe cream) all the time, but if I ask to use her nail polish remover or something she hints that I should get my own
5. Waits until the last second for everything and then freaks out on me
6. Blow dries her hair at ungodly hours
7. Constantly puts me down because my school isnt as high rated as hers, even though I'm smarter than her and just chose not to go to her school even though I was accepted.

I almost lost this blog

So I usually have myself logged in, but I haven't stopped by since my last blog, so I guess it logged me out, and I couldn't remember what email I used or anything, so I had to like, google myself, then put my url in the blogspot forgot your password thing, then it sent me a bunch of emails and I had to check all my accounts to see which it went to, then once I found it on my school account, I had to reset the password... Now that I think about it, it probably wasn't worth it. hahaha.

My biffs.

So lately everyone's been doing those "Things that bother me about you" blog, and in keeping with my trying-to-be-positive thing that I've actually been doing really well with, I decided to do a "What I really like about you" blog. So, here goes.

1. I love that even though we didn't get close until 11th-12th grade, we still talk and tell each other a lot of stuff. We always bitch to each other and stuff, and it's cool.

2. I love how I know that I'm pretty much going to marry you, because you've been my lifeline for the last 4 years of my life.

3. I love that you're my girlfriend and that we're going to get married and you can share my boyfriend with me, because we're going to be polygimists.

4. I love that you forgive me for taking way to long to realize you're the best friend I have ever had. You're the only person I can discuss a life I never had in the 60's with, and plan the life we should have when we sell our story about our life in the 60's. Also, you're a little bit twisted.

5. Again, I love that even though we just met, we're pretty close. I love that you're always willing to have a party for someone, and always ready to lend your house to have it. Plus, you're fun as shit to be around.

6. I love that I didn't talk to you until literally the second half of senior year, but you seriously have a part of my heart, and that I could never live without you. You are the cutest chick I know, and you sometimes show me your ass in bathrooms.

7. I love that you're my sisterrrr. I also sometimes hate you when you use all my letter beads, but mostly I love you.

8. I love that you've been more of a brother to me than my real brother has ever been. You're my computer god, among other things and you're awesome.

9. I love that sometimes I dye your pants in my trashcan, and that you're my superhero partner in crime.

10. I love that I can't even think of 10 people to put here. Oh well.

The Halloween party went a lot better than I expected, I even actually had fun. Ash & Co weren't there, and I kind of wish they would have been. Well, at least just Ash, I still don't like her boyfriend. I had fun and took a lot of pictures. I also went to the movies with a huge group on Friday night to see Saw 4. It was fairly decent, but not as good as the previous ones. I have some hella bad cramps right now. Not as bad as when I used to get them in middle school, but pretty bad. It's a sweat pant day, yameanz?

Poor fat kids on Maury. The mothers sucks, and these kids are going to have terrible lives. If I ever had a fat kid, I would make them diet like no ones business, because they would thank me in the end. I don't mean like if the kid is like 5-10 pounds over weight, but these kids are like, two and 70 pounds. Candy's niece is 6 and weighs 30 pounds. That isn't healthy either, but it just shows the dramatic difference. Dani is 9 and weighs like, probably 75 pounds? And shes like, 4+ feet tall, shes really tall for her age. Well, I'm just short. IDK.

I think I'm going to lunch very soon with Shannon Katie and probably Kierri or however the fuck you spell her you-can-only-say-with-a-Jersey-accent name.

Oh, at the party Chelsea kissed me, like a peck kiss, no big, but Steve kinda got mad. *shrug* He isn't anymore though, and he keeps ragging on me about it.

Halloweennn

Is my favorite holiday ever, and for the first time, I'm totally not looking forward to celebrating it. I'm definitely hype for the parade at Roosevelt mall at which I'll be working, but meh. The party on Saturday is making me sick. It was supposed to be at Christen's, but now it's going to be at Chris's. I'm bummed because 1.)I don't know if he's going to let me in, even though Christen said he would because he hates me because I don't like Johnny, and 2.)All them people [Johnny, etc] that I'm trying to leave behind me in high school will be there.

Fuck this, Idk what do even do. My costume is cute as fuck though.

So yeah, I decided I wanted a blogspot, even though the last one I had ended up fucking a lot of stuff up. But that totally wasn't my fault. Mostly I plan to post pictures of crafts, some journal pages, etc, and also maybe to help me keep track of important dates I might need later.

Ex: